I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
