I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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