She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
