so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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