oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
