Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
