I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
