I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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