No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
