Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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