It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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