So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
