What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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