You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
