Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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