we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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