I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
