so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
vagina is talking i cant
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
