Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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