I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need water and some morals
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
