i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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