You work out of a Hotel?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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