I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
