I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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