So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
