So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
