I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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