I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
