and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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