Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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