i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
