btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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