so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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