Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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