My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize