Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
