You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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