Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
