Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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