My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
