fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
