apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
