oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
