Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
