How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
