I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
