dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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