one two three fourrrrnication!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
