Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
