now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
