I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
