please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
