I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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