Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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