two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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