I'm jealous of your bromance
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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