he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
