I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
