so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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