There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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