I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
