New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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