I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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