why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm passing your future prison.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My ATM looks so different sober.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
