Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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