Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
only if we run a train.
done.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
