Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize