I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Blood and glitter go together right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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