You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize