what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
