so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
