My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
