I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
