I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
