I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
