Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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