i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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