The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know her cup size but not her name....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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