I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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