Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
