Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
