I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
