I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
