So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
