hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
